45. The 36 Questions That Lead to Love
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This was the title of a New York Times report that went viral a few years ago about a study by psychologist Arthur Aron that investigated if relationship closeness could be quickly generated over a conversation that revolved around a set of questions that progressively get intimate.
In the study, pairs of strangers were given a list of the 36 sequential questions, and they took turns asking each other the questions and responding.
The results were surprising—most of the pairs of strangers left the session with highly positive feelings for each other.
Here is the complete list of questions, divided into three sets. Pair up with someone and take turns to ask these questions to each other in the order presented. It’s more effective if you look into each other’s eyes.
As a journaling exercise, I answered the questions alone, and most of them made me think deeply about my life.
When it was time for me to write this week’s newsletter, I was still thinking about the “36 Questions” study, so here I reflect on how a marketer could apply the same principles:
Generating Trust: Often, during customer research, it’s essential to build up trust quickly between the interviewer and participant to get honest responses. Using progressive, personalized questions during these interactions could lead to a gradual buildup of trust, leading to better engagement. However, since the original study questions are intimate, they might have to be modified to the study context.
For example, in its early stages, Airbnb conducted in-depth interviews and home visits with hosts to understand their needs, anxieties, and motivations. Instead of directly asking about their listing preferences or earnings, Airbnb’s research team began with questions about hosts’ lifestyles, interests, and values, gradually moving toward questions related to their hosting experiences.
Community Building: While building a brand community, sharing intimate brand or team stories can prompt customers to share their experiences. This interchange will create a connection and make customers feel understood.
For example, Patagonia frequently highlights stories about environmental activism, outdoor adventures, and the personal journeys of its team and customers.
Emotions in UX: Features like “Get to Know Us” or user-generated content prompts that encourage personal sharing also deepen the emotional connection to the brand.
For example, a study has found that ads that introduce the founders of a brand and explain why they created the product are very effective marketing tools. Sara Blakely’s storytelling about Spanx is an excellent example of this. Here is a template for brands to get started with this format.
That’s it for this week. See you again next week.